NEW YORK MAN FRIGHTENED OF OWN PSYCHE AFTER STRANGE QUARANTINE DREAMS

OSWEGO, NEW YORK For the past few weeks James Lyndon, 57, has found himself waking in cold sweats and fearing for his sanity. "I keep having these dreams," he says, "where these anthropomorphic creatures try to get me to pet them. It's like Mike Myers in Cat in the Hat, but sometimes they're pigs, or kangaroos."
Lyndon has stopped consumption of caffeinated beverages past noon, however this does nothing to stop the nightmares. "I need to get out of this house," he claims. "It's driving me batty. I was never like this before. I swear that they're not dreams, either. One left a phone number, the kangaroo one."

At time of press, Mr. Kangaroo has not responded to Puddyboo Press' request for comments on the nature of his nocturnal visits.