BOISE, IDAHO Karen Parker has announced via Facebook status that she is, in fact, "done with the government conspiracy" against her, plotted to ruin her quest for the perfect beach body. She has not been able to attend hot yoga for an outstanding three weeks since the Pale Lotus yoga studio shuttered its doors in response to the COVID-19 virus.
"I can't take it anymore, you guys," she writes. "I feel like I've been shut in an attic, with this stupid government taking my rights away. Now I know how Anne Frank feels."
Her sister-in-law, Trisha Saccio, agreed with an "Amen! Jesus is my penicillin," followed by a few praying-hands emojis.
In a bizarre turn of events, an acquaintance from highschool commented shortly thereafter, stating, "I am Jewish. This is offensive. You will not go to a camp if you break quarantine. You are not hiding."
Karen has since unfriended the acquaintance, and continues her comparisons of COVID-19 quarantines to the Holocaust. "I have no time for stupid PC nonsense," says Karen. "I'm just exercising my right to free speech."
When asked if she was exempt from social consequences of said free speech, the Puddyboo Press was blocked.
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