CAT PERPLEXED AS TO WHY HUMANS ARE STAYING AT HER HOUSE ALL DAY

AUSTIN, TEXAS     Moxie, a shorthaired tabby, has been continually perplexed as to why her housemates have been languishing on the couch for the past month. "This isn't like them, and I'm frankly concerned," Moxie declared on Saturday. "I can't seem to figure it out, but I need my space, and they're taking up the spot I like to sit in. The angle of the sunlight there is exquisite."

In a bid to get them up and moving, Moxie confesses to making their lives difficult intentionally. "I've pooed on the kitchen floor while they were preparing my meals... I've scratched them for no reason. Yet, here they are, being big mooches and the like. I am losing my mind, and it's not the toxoplasmosis."
When confronted, the housemates were equally confused. "Moxie needs to get over it. We're all in quarantine."
Moxie, however, is far more choosy over her words. "Social isolation, not quarantine!"
When asked when she suspects this power struggle will end, Moxie has no clear answers. "I can only do so much. I would kick them out, but I don't have opposable thumbs and I don't own the deed to the house. My next plan of action is still unknown. Until then? I'm just going to keep pooing on the floor."